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| Treatises on life in general, ultimate, alcohol, drugs, and most of all, sausages
1. One must always keep family first.
2. One must always finish.
3. One must always order the most delicious sausage available regardless of cost.
4. One must not put ketchup on aforementioned sausage.
5. Corn dogs are money.
6. One must eat fresh fruit.
7. One must find ways to avoid one's work, no matter how unreasonable the excuse.
8. One must find Lakshmi cigarettes, right now.
9. On a visit to White Hen, one must always lean toward buying more rather than less.
10. Especially Bagel Bites.
11. One must hold it in your lungs.
12. One must not drink alone unless you are my roommates.
13. One must not get fat unless you are my roommates.
14. Lakshmi can get fat, or not, I think she can do whatever the fuck she wants.
15. One must not be profane.
16. Actually fuck that.
17. One must look both ways when crossing the street unless you are a college student when you own the road.
18. One must shower daily.
19. One must visit Madison on Halloween once in his life.
20. One must visit jail on aforementioned weekend.
21. One must eat gyros.
22. One must visit his/her national parks.
23. One must listen to Lupe Fiasco
24. One must remember Oink
25. One must enjoy Hot Doug's.
26. One must make the margins as small or as big as possible depending on the assignment.
27. One must never have enough time left to proofread.
28. One must read Russian Literature and ponder his/her existence, conception of love, and idea of true goodness
29. One must enjoy the changing seasons.
30. One must escape said seasons to California yearly.
31. One must consider the state and direction of one's life often.
32. One must be honest with himself.
33. One must not allow wrongdoing, or he will be implicit in the wrongdoing himself.
34. One must listen to In Rainbows and enjoy it.
35. One must follow and enjoy Big Ten football.
36. One must visit a real college town if one is based in Evanston.
37. One must be decent in at least one drinking game.
38. One must enjoy kimchi, bulgogi, and kimbop without fail.
39. One must have their meat medium-rare.
40. One must finish his 40.
41. One must not make lists.
42. The meaning of life.
43. One must, above all, be honest with himself.
44. One must be confident in all his endeavors.
45. One must never pee on the shoulder in heavy traffic.
46. on second thought, such behavior is to be considered exemplary.
47. One must enjoy shoes.
48. One must respect Michael Jordan for as long as they both shall live.
49. One must travel.
50. One must realize what one is getting into when he orders an "Atomic Pork Sausage"
51. One must watch and enjoy HBO shows, including Entourage, the Wire, and Rome.
52. One must know, understand, and accept his roots.
53. One must experience Sparks.
54. One must pass out on excessive tryptophan, potatoes, and stuffing once or more times per year.
55. One must flush until truly done.
56. One must not be ashamed of Asian glow.
57. One must not be afraid to throw deep.
58. One must drink lots of water.
59. One must keep a journal.
60. One must be familiar with the ideas of Karl Marx, Max Weber, and Emile Durkheim
61. One must never be content with his taste in music, but must allow it to constantly evolve.
62. One must look out for one's (especially younger) siblings
63. One must respect one's parents.
64. One must finish his sausage. No exceptions.
65. One must not be gotten out by a girl in dodgeball.
66. One must find a passion and be passionate about it.
67. One must watch "City of God"
68. One must visit thecoolhunter.net
69. One must end the list at 69.
| | |
| ATHF terrorizes Boston...
Anyone been keeping up on this story? It's possibly the most ridiculous thing to grace our front pages in a long while.
So apparently, Cartoon Network decided to start a guerilla marketing campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force by placing small, 12" by 15" (or so) LED signs around several cities, including NYC, Boston, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, etc.
They look like this:
  
Harmless, right? Not in Boston. Apparently some people saw them and freaked out, sparking a huge scare, leading to bomb squads called in and the T (Boston's El) being shut down.
Then the two artists that were hired to put them up by the advertising company were arrested on charges of "placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct." The two are hilarious, though...beside the one dude's outrageous haircut, they "waved and smiled as they greeted people in court."
Anyway, this one dude's response on the Boston Globe site is priceless (http://boards.boston.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=bc-news&tid=11793):
All laughs aside, I'm a little annoyed and angry about yesterday's
events in Boston. But I'm not angry with Adult Swim or Turner
Broadcasting. Maybe they were irresponsible, even though NECN is
reporting that they had legal permits to go ahead with their campaign.
Maybe on the back of those signs they should have put up a "Call this
number if you have any concerns about this thing", maybe a little
foresight should have been used to see where some freaked out post 9/11
"I'm going to be a citizen hero by being vigilant" type could see what
someone was doing as a threat to public infrastructure. Who I am
really angry at are the news media, who blew this story way out of
proportion by using words like suspicious package, bomb, and really
blowing it out of the park when they said that multiple devices found
all around town at key infrastructure points. I blame them for scaring
the piss out of the general public for something that the entire
Internet community already knew to be harmless, as well as probably
most of the college students and geeks in the city. I blame them for
not sending one intern, possibly an adult swim fan to begin with,
somewhere after getting a photo of the device and doing some background
research into what the markings meant. It really shouldn't have gotten
to the point that it did. I'm also angry at the city of Boston,
and our government in general. They're patting themselves on the back
for saying how they acted so timely and efficiently during this
potential crisis, when the reality is those things have been hanging up
around Boston for 3 week! And there's video proof that it happened 3
weeks ago! And there's 9 other cities that for weeks didn't freak out,
but us, the intellectual capital of the United States, goes a bit nutso
over a few moonitite light brights? Why is that by 2:00 PM, the media
was still reporting a bomb threat like the city was going to explode
any moment, while the blogging community knew what in the world they
were, put two and two together, and it took 3 extra hours for our mayor
(who by the way had a press conference at 4:20, no I really can't make
that up) to fess up to saying that yes they now know it's harmless. And
to arrest the guy who was just hired to put up the signs? Make an
artistic statement? Exercise his free speech rights? Come on now. Now
your just trying to find a scapegoat and a pansy, and you've just put
someone innocent and turned his life upside down. I hate that
they're still using the word hoax. It's not a hoax if there was never a
bomb threat in the first place. No one called it in. No one had any
intent to harm or to cause hysteria. This is not the same as yelling
fire in a crowded movie theater. What I love? Aqua Teen Hunger
Force has never had so much attention in the mass media news. The first
5 minutes of last night’s news wasn't even so much about the day’s
events, as it was explaining what the hell Adult Swim is (with
inaccuracies of course because the group of people we charge with
telling us the truth can't ever get their facts straight in the first
place). The problem at it's heart is that something like Adult Swim
talks to a underground counterculture, it talks to the people who
aren't really a part of mainstream society, people who are reporting on
it don't understand why it exists, and what's the point. I'm sure if
Mayor Menino watched a mooninite episode he'd go "OMGWTFBBQ?!", or
actually that's the exact opposite of what he wouldn't do. What else I
think is hysterical? Boston wants $500,000 for yesterday’s events. Ted
Turner is probably laughing his ass off, that's a fraction of what the
coverage would have cost him if he went via traditional channels. Think
about it. 30 seconds on Super Bowl this year? 2.6 Million. All day
coverage and hype about ATHF on every local channel and nationally over
the wires including a full breakdown of the show? Half a million?
Really? Really? But what really makes me angry is the people who
agree with the city. The ones who are going, "Oh yeah before 9/11 this
would have been funny but now that we're living post 9/11, it's not
cool". Shut the Hell Up. Things that were funny before 9/11 are still
funny post 9/11. Because if what the idiot was saying is true, taking
another cliché line, the terrorists have already won. What is wrong
with people that we're living in this constant trigger finger state of
fear instead of living our lives the way we want to live them, free to
do what we want, and not have any sort of fear that we're going to be
blown up tomorrow? The more and more I see it, the more and more
depressed I get that we're just going to become pawns of our society,
that we're going to be controlled by fear instead of freedom. And of
everything yesterday, that's really what boils my blood. That people
just don't get it. Terrorists are going to keep trying to bomb us, and
we're going to keep trying to stop it, but we shouldn't change our
daily routine and mindset because of it. Because is life really that
important if your not allowed to do what you really want to do?
(Paul again) Brilliant.
| | |
| So, this is how it starts.THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird
things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their
own 6 weird things as well. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to
be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that
says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog. Remember copy and paste this so as to state the rules clearly. 1. My abs. Five of them are normal sized (and unbelieveably ripped...) and the sixth (top left from my POV) is like half the size of a normal ab. And it doesn't get bigger.
2. I know all the words to lots of Disney songs and will enthusiastically sing them with you or anyone else or alone in most situations in life. Exceptions: when in a "man-code applies"-type situation, e.g. on the basketball court, during a Bears game, at a cookout, frat party, picking up girls at the bar, or in the weight room, on the way to a tournament, or in the absence of girls in general.
3. I'm addicted to Ice Breaker Sours (the green cans, what is it, apple, pink lemonade, watermelon, something else). I eat them like crack, especially when writing a paper or otherwise on the computer, when I "chain-eat" them, if you will, at times getting through half a can in one sitting.
4. I won a beauty pageant by wearing a swimsuit made of balloons (and not much else), a suit belonging to someone down the hall (and a subsequent hip thrust), and singing a spoof of John Mayer's "Your Body is a Wonderland" (changed to Willard is a Wonderland, Willard being my dorm). Not at the same time. I got a crown. I am "Mr. Willard." Now that you know that, don't bring it up, it's all in the past...
5. My taste in girls is "random" and a little weird, according to my roommate and others. Not that I like girls with moustaches or anything like that, but I guess not everyone thinks the girls I think are pretty, are pretty. Hey, you know what, back in 5th grade when my friends were obsessed with Britney Spears, I was in love in Natalie Portman. I got some class, dudes...look who's on top now. And Jessica Alba's really hot, just to prove I'm not too weird.
6. Some people watch basketball religiously, keeping up with the league and looking for those sweet little nuances in gameplay that only an avid fan/player could appreciate. I watch ultimate videos in this way. I have maybe 30 games on my hard drive. I've seen them all and I just watch them over and over, saying a word of appreciation ("hell yea") at those subtle but great plays only people like me would understand were special. e.g. "what a sweet mark"
Many thanks to chungdogg for tagging me. 1-DaLoCoCHoKRo
2-mars280
3-slimmy
4-ChibiTimWin
5-Onizuka0513
6-Shezzoid542
anyone who reads this, please make sure these 6 losers do this so i will not feel like a tool. much thanks
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| Why I love Ultimate, part 2 (I think I wrote a first?)
I suppose it started with the first time I saw some older guy at my
church throw a tight flick, what seemed then like an impossibly
smooth-looking feat worth emulating. Then it was some free time
activity at a retreat, where I realized, dripping in sweat and looking
back at the war-torn field, that running like dogs and chasing plastic
with reckless abandon could be just as good as picking off a football
or sinking a three. There was the moment against some team from
Winnipeg when I caught a disc on an in-cut, turned and fired a flick to
an open cutter for the first time. It was casually tossing a disc in
Tiffany's backyard, discovering and fixing a huge flaw in my technique
and rejoicing for a month after. It was my first tournament in Kansas
City, the joy of victory and the pain of loss, in the finals, no less.
It was my first game of summer league, my first view of Sockeye
rampaging the NW region on UVTV, realizing that there was some fucking
good ultimate out there to be played.
I like Ultimate for all those reasons. I like it alot. But let me tell you why I love
this game. It's in a moment: it's when the point has gone on for way
too long, all I can see is blurs and the screams from the sideline
bombard my senses because I can't really see or hear straight when my
legs are burning and my lungs feel like they could collapse at any
minute but I'm not gonna stop cause there's no way in hell I'm letting
that Indiana #15 asshole get the disc. It's the point where I can't
think right so it's just instinct. Cut in. Cut out. Again. Break side. Crash the cup. Don't stop, Don't you fucking stop. It's
when you're on your reciever's hip and he breaks back for the disc, you
follow him, stride for stride, then the disc goes in the air. You lose
all sense of self-preservation as you take that last dig into the dirt
and you're airborne, subject to the wayward kick of your man or a
back-breaking landing, but all that's to worry about later. Cause the
reciever puts his hands out, one over another, like he's gonna catch
it, but you know he's kidding himself cause you're already horizontal,
waist-high, one hand outstretched, and in a split second, there's a
thud and tangle of limbs, your elbow burns from the slide onto hard
turf, but you take one glance at your reciever and even the approving
yells of your teammates aren't as telling as the resigned look on that
guy's face and you know you just beat him, bad. And that one moment
makes it all worth it.
That's why I love ultimate.
| | |
| Hi everyone, haven't written anything in a while, so here's a little of what I've been up to...
In the past quarter, I've run across UCLA's campus with thousands of passionate Bruins shouting anti-USC invective in my underwear (I haven't spotted myself on YouTube yet...), had lots of fish tacos (and cervezas) in Rosarito, Mexico, won a beauty pageant that involved rewriting John Mayer lyrics and showing off my body while wearing an inflatable bikini, rolled around in the grass outside of Burger King with my roommate while random people took pictures of us, slept a LOT compared to high school, played Ultimate in tournaments at U of I and in Minnesota (going to San Diego for another in Feb), got good grades, was a Guitar Hero, met lots of interesting people, found the frat scene at first surprisingly ok, then really lame, gone to every Wildcat football home game, watched Troy Smith make Northwestern look like ETHS, then later watched Troy Smith make Michigan's defense look like fools on the sickest play action imaginable, fallen asleep in each and every one of my classes and had my korean professor kick me, fallen asleep in many other peoples' beds, made no money except for business school surveys that pay $5 every once in a while, gone home from practice with my face caked in mud, hiked a mountain in Phoenix, gone to a dance party on the beach and in the Field Museum (next to the dinosaurs), not had enough deep dish pizza, not gotten sick at school once, saw Jurassic 5 from like 5 feet away, began to enjoy Dr. Pepper
etc
btw i'm not anywhere in the picture i just like it
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